my son

My wonderful husband suggested that I post here about my son,.,.,.,.,,.,. I have other entries in this blog about him; I am not sure what kind of things I need to do to help him. He is young and on the turn that will take him in a direction I am not sure he wants to go. He is bright, independent and all boy with feelings and fears and needs - I am struggling with him. He could so easily be persuaded to go the wrong way by peers or so called friends. This past week he was convinced to leave school and go to a near by wallgreens spend about two hours doing??? I don't really know what??? And do I really want to know what?

I worry about him - because it seems to me he has struggled this year more than any other time. He is not in charge or the oldest in the house since last year, June when the oldest child of my husband's previous marriage D came to live here with us, We - DH and I made the decision for D to come, we gave my son his own room and space hoping that would be a good compromise- it hasn't been. he gets plenty of love and kindness and attention- though he claims that is not the case - DH really was happy for his son to come and live with us and that has been _GREAT_ for D and for all of us really even D's mom and D's brother D2 - the only one rebelling against this is my son J. he wants some how to be loved like DH loves his own son and desired him to be here with us. I assure my J that this is the case, I wouldn't want him anywhere else, but he wants his Dad to desire him and need him with the same fierceness that DH wants D. I can't make this happen for him. Sadly his dad doesn't really want him. Not in the way we want all the children to be here. DH is a great dad to all the kids and fair and loving with them all.

J and Hh's dad has not been very interested in full time parenting ever, and even if he pays the lip service of “oh yeah I want them both or not at all” it really isn’t true and it would be too much of a hassle to parent on his own full time or 90 % of the time. I have done this since 1997 when the divorce was final and I am very happy to have both of the kids, and fought fiercely for sole custody. I have it too- for the very reason above, J & Hh’s dad didn’t want to help or make decisions where they are concerned. I have always been the one to make it easy for him to participate in their lives. I am the one who goes out of my way to take the high road and help them keep and develop a relationship with him. It is hard to help J see this reality that Dad just wants to parent when he wants too, he is frustrated too by J’s bad behavior but again none of us have the right solution for J.

I want him to know how much we love him, but it is hard right now, I don’t trust him. His behavior has been so bad, and he keeps pushing and doing bad things. He is just so needy and I am not sure what will help him get back on track.

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