So you are from Denver?

You identify directions by the location of the mountains.
Your diet consists largely of Cliff Bars, granola, tofu and Fat Tire.
You’ve been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a team’s victory.
When visiting friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.
Snow in June is not unheard of. Neither is 100 degree weather.
You scoff at the weatherman on TV. Especially when giving a five-day forecast.
"Timberline" is somewhere you’ve actually been. Many times.
You know what a "Chinook" is.
You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" is - and why it's called that.
You know what a "fourteener" is.
You know what a "Rocky Mountain Oyster" is.
You think a red light means three more cars can go. The fast lane is for cruising and the slow lane is for passing. Turn signals are optional.
Shorts are worn year around, regardless of temperature.
"Wildlife" means more than squirrels and pigeons. You don’t stop and look when you see deer.
You’re not sure if Colorado extends west of the Rockies.
You know where Buffalo Bill's grave is.
You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.
The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You think that formal wear is ironed denim.
You've never actually been to Aspen, much less ski there.
"Damn Rockies" is an expression you use when you can't find a parking spot Downtown.
During a thunderstorm you wonder which I-25 underpass is flooding.
If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle.
If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it muggy.
People driving on the 16th Street Mall are considered "tourists".
The biggest event of the year is the Western Stock Show.
The only RTD bus you've been on is the 16th Street shuttle.
The two major newspapers have the same owner, yet one insists on making its own rules regarding what to call the new stadium.
There is not enough money in the world to get you to move to the Springs.
When giving directions, you never say "Turn left, turn right", it's always go West, then South.
When the Broncos are losing you refer to them as the "Donkeys".
You think 5-Points is a ghetto.
You are the third car to run a red light after it has changed.
You consider LoDo a tourist trap with expensive condos.
You have a broken windshield.
You have absolutely no recognizable accent.
You have been skiing less than 3 times in your life.
You know that "The Narrows" refers to I-25 between University and Broadway
You know where the city ended when you were a kid, and would never move further out than that boundary.
You merge onto the highway at 15 miles an hour.
You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months.
You only go to Lodo when friends are in from out of town.
You say things like "I don't care how big Parker is, it's still a one-horse town".
You see no reason to travel to Aurora.
You think most of the people in Colorado Springs are religious freaks.
You think the rest of the freaks live in the "People's Republic of Boulder.
"You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation.
Thornton, Northglenn and Westminster are "Another State".
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Denver.