I Am

I've been tagged by Cathy

This one is worth the effort.


I AM: A woman, with a heart of a girl, I am a wife and a friend, I am a sister in the middle of two brothers, I am a daughter struggling with my relationship to my own mother. I am a mother of two babies- who are living and one that is not. I am a step mother to two young men who were boys when I became Tam- mom to them.
I am and artist and creator. I am an innovator and thinker. I am a student and a teacher. I am more than I ever thought I would be.
I am an employee
I am a lay reader, alter guild server, part-time bulletin maker.
I am me!

I WANT: To not work so hard, yet have what I need to be happy. I want my kids to be good, have good judgment and live long and productive and creative lives. I want my husband to still love me many years from now- I want to love him too. I want to be healthy, wealthy and wise.

I WISH: for sweet things and love, peace and happiness. I wish I was more organized and less of a perfectionist. I wish I was more detail oriented, but less controlling. I wish I was really cute and sexy, but I think this would scare me too! I had better relationships with my brothers.
I wish and hope that my children will be great, adults, parents, lovers, friends, and brothers and sisters.

I HATE: Brussels sprouts , licorice, and prejudice.: dictionary says an unfounded hatred, fear, or mistrust of a person or group, especially one of a particular religion, ethnicity, nationality, or social status,

I MISS: My younger days with less rent, cares and responsibilities.

I FEAR: the day that one of my parent or S. parents go to heaven. I fear fire and just am so scared by it, I fear spiders unreasonably.
I fear my children will not be the best that they can be.

I HEAR: Words of love from, my wonderful husband everyday. Country music on my radio, pop tunes on Hh's computer media player, and her tinkling out a tune or two on the piano or drums. Praises to God every Sunday. The lawns being mowed, the dogs barking and tails thumping and I know things are right in my world.

I WONDER: about God, I wonder about lots of questions and try to find answers to satisfy myself .

I REGRET: making a choice early on at twenty to get married, but don't regret my children, whom I would never have had if that choice hadn't been made, so it is not as regretful as some things. Not getting to know my father's family better. especially my Aunt Sunny, My mom's family also.

I’M Not: Thin, gorgeous, the American girl next door. I am not as brave as I appear. I am not perfect.......A tough one for me.

I DANCE: by myself to my own tune, always have, always will. I may say yes and agree, but go off and do my own thing; independence is a hard lesson to undo.

I SING: country songs from the radio, spirituals and hymns from the 1982 hymn book and an African American hymnal loudly and confidently. I took voice lessons and sang in a choir until most of my way through college. I sing because I want too.

I CRY: easily and always have, I am a sentimental girl, honest to a fault and wear my feelings on my sleeve. I cry at the thought of my son, struggling to be independent away from me and family. I cry at the thought of anyone ever doing anything bad to my children.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: the nicest person. I can be mean and say hurtful things to my children and my wonderful hubby, especially to my ex-spouse.

I MAKE: a little art, a lot of scrapbooks and big messes, I make great meals; I love to cook and feed those around me. A little money at my job. Love to my husband.

I WRITE: in my blog online almost everyday. I write love letters and cards to many people I know, and love, I write valentines every year.I write to my friend Kate regularly. I write fluff and sometimes can't express the best of what is in me for the fear that being too truthful hurts those I just want to send love too.

I CONFUSE: love and sex, love and food, love and attention. I confuse feelings with need, I confuse myself.

I NEED: to find my self-worth

I HAVE: Way more than I could ever need. I have the best husband and children. I have a nice but modest home. I have a nice but old van. I have my parents alive still; I have my in laws alive too. I have blessings in my life and want to always remember to count them.

I LOVE: my family, my friends and being an American. I love good food, good company, and fun. I love the movies. I love my dogs and cats. I love technology. I love beautiful flowers. Chocolate.

I SHOULD: not should on myself- that is what my Dad says. Instead I will try to be the best of the things I am.